Ashtray
by rockpaperscissors
Summary: My ashtray of burnt ramblings, twisted like smoke and flicked away without a care. Welcome to my life, my story, my show. And if you don't want to watch me, Lily Evans, get the hell out.
1. All My Glory

**A/N: **Hey.. welcome to my story. *blushes* I'm _thrilled _you've stumbled across it. When you're done reading, do your "thang" and please review! This is my first story on fanfiction.net and I am in need of a beta reader. If you are one, or if you know of one, please shoot me an e-mail: **butterflykisez12@netscape.net** . Thanks, and enjoy the show!!  
  
I hate Narcissa Black. Not to be mean. Wait. Actually, I do mean to be mean. Hah.   
  
I hate Narcissa Black. And she knows it. I've told her before. But she hates me too. So I guess we're equal then.  
  
But acording to Narcissa, we will never be equal. I am a mudblood in her eyes. And she is a pure-blood. So of course, she feels she is better, but she will never be. She's a prissy bitch. Hah.  
  
The problem is, she's not the only one who thinks she's better. There's her twin Bellatrix, for one. Luckily they are fraternal twins, because I don't think I could stand two Narcissa's. Or two Bellatrixes. One of each of them is enough already. Bellatrix and Narcissa romp around the school together, dating various, pure-blood, Slytherin boys.  
  
Lucius Malfoy is one who also thinks he is better. Unfortunally, Lucius is one of the hottest guys in school. Fortunately, he flirts with me when he is drunk. But as soon as Narcissa sees me doing my so-called, , she pushes me away and hogs him. I could get him back, but it won't matter anyways. It's an unsaid fact that Lucius and Narcissa will be wed one day. It's a pure-blood thing for two parents to arrange the marriages, to keep the line of pure-bloods strong. I won't be a bridesmaid at THAT wedding. Bah. Another reason to hate Narcissa. She gets to marry a hot guy.  
  
Narcissa had to gossiped about, so that's why I have Tracey. My best friend, my other half, my soul sista. I fucking love her. And she fucking loves me. So it's all good. We have that friendship that everyone hopes and wishes they had. But they don't have it, so screw them. I know Tracey will always be there for me, until my dying day. And I will be there for her. We have that freaky, but extremely helpful, read-each-others-mind thing, going on. We finish each others sentences, combine closets, hey, I'm lucky I never get sick of her either. She's funny, brilliantly intelligent, bold, and has a great sense in style. (BONUS! She also has a kick-ass wardrobe. That I get to share!)  
  
I met Tracey in Diagon Alley, in Madame Malkin's Robe Shop. We were getting fitted for our robes at the same time. We introduced ourselves to each other and began talking immediately about the ugly, black robes we were forced to wear at Hogwarts. We were already finishing each others sentences by the time our robes were done. Then, on the first day, at Kings Cross station, Narcissa called me a mudblood. I began crying and Tracey rushed to my defense, calling Narcissa a, Fucked up bitch, to her face. That year, I learned a lot of curses from Tracey and I taught her a few, too. We both have extreme foul mouths now.  
  
I planned to meet Tracey two days before she was leaving to go to Italy with her parents, and older brother Jack. Lucky bitch.  
  
I was meeting her in Flourish and Blotts and with a few minutes to spare, I went to go buy myself an ice cream. Chocolate Brownie in a sugar cone of course. I'm not a vanilla girl, vanilla is too plain. And I am not a plain person.  
  
Licking my ice cream, I walked down Diagon Alley, dodging through the tightly packed throng of wizards and witches.  
  
Wizards and witches.  
  
I stopped suddenly, and looked at my reflection in the Olivander's store window.  
  
Wizards and witches.  
  
If you had told me when I was nine or ten that I would be going to a wizarding school when I was eleven, I would have laughed.  
  
But then again, I always knew I was different from Petunia. Because when we played pretend witches when we were little girls, my spells worked and hers did not. She was always in awe how I could make a lamp turn on and off whenever I wanted, and how I could levitate leaves and flowers by just thinking about it. It was never any big magic, just a few small things here and there, nothing like vanishing spells or Apparation.  
  
Witches and wizards.  
  
I was one of them. I was a witch, going into my seventh year at Hogwarts.  
  
Hey you!  
  
I spun around quickly, interupted of all thought. It was Tracey, standing there in a light blue skirt and cream colored tank top. Her blonde hair fell, layered onto her shoulders and it shone brilliantly, sparkling in the sun. She was obviously using some of the Sunshine Shine, I had given her earlier.  
  
I smiled at her. What's up? Are you all-  
  
Packed? Hah. Of course not. Jack is though, he's-  
  
Really excited. Yeah, you said that. Are you not excited or something? I asked.  
  
I kind of am.   
  
But you'll miss me. I said sadly.  
  
Of course dahling. I'll think about you everyday. But I'll bring you back some nice Italian clothes. Tracey compromised.  
  
I concluded, then changed the topic. Should we go to Flourish and Blotts then? I have to pick up a few things.  
  
Yeah. Let's go. Tracey linked her arm through mine and we strutted our stuff over to Flourish and Blotts, me still licking my ice cream.  
  
Ah.. I need a fag! Tracey called out to the street as we walked out, arms weighed down with shopping bags.  
  
I reached into my purse, and grabbed two cigarettes out of the back of Marlboros lying next to my perfume and wand.  
  
Tracey asked, with the fag between her two lips.  
I fumbled around in my purse again and grasped the lime green lighter. I tossed it to her after I lit up.  
  
My parents would be pissed if they found out I smoked, hell, they would be pissed if they found out a lot about me. Btt they could point their fingers at Potter, that bastard. He was the one who got me addicted to nicotine anyways.  
  
Tracey took a long drag from her cigarette and then spoke, smoke emitting from her mouth. Smoking can kill you.  
  
I cocked my head back and laughed. You're over there smoking, who the fuck are you to tell me smoking can kill me?  
  
My name is Tracey Amelia Wood, and I am seventeen years of age. I shop constantly, my best friend smokes and I have a tattoo on my lower back of a butterfly. I may be blonde, but I have a strong head on my shoulders. I am a witch. And I think I want to be a singer.  
  
I responded by blowing smoke in her face.  
  
And you are...? Tracey asked me smartly.  
  
A wild, red haired, emerald green eyed girl who is seventeen years old. My best friend smokes and I like having a little down time in life. I want a tattoo and I am a witch whos best subject is charms. I am brutally independent and I never leave to go anywhere without my black eyeliner on. My name is Lily Evans and I want to make my death count because I know I am not someone to be forgotten quickly.


	2. Chapter Two

**A/N: **I would just like to say that I really don't like this chapter, but I need to put it in to advance the summer a bit and explain a few things. So please, just hang on and wait for the next chapter which I think will be up in a day or so, because I have tons of time! Yay! **Please **review. And you know I still need a beta reader. butterflykisez12@netscape.net Enjoy!  
  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Lily Evans, or anything Harry Potter related, J.K. Rowling owns it all. (Damnit!) I write for my own personal enjoyment and there is no need to start suing me. J.K. Rowling, if you are going to sue me over this very small story compared to what you have, I think that's stupid because you already have enough money. So ha.   
  
  
  
Lily! Lily! Get up, _now!_  
  
I hate mornings. I look like shit, and all I want to do is sleep. Die, whoever woke me, die.  
  
Lily! Get your ass down here!  
  
Ah. It was my mum, Vivian, who woke my ass up. I glanced to my blue clock on my bedside table. Ahhhh. It was only 9:30. I thought this was supposed to be summer vacation.  
  
I gathered up all my strength and screamed down, I'm going back to bed, mum! I'm tired.   
  
I started to snuggle back under my covers when I heard, Oh, no you're not! There is an owl down here and it won't leave my kitchen. Get it out!  
  
I sat up when I heard the world owl. If it was from Tracey, I wanted to go get it. So I jumped out out the door and ran as fast as I could down the stairs without tripping. I had fallen down the stairs one too many times, I was clumsy as hell. I drop things, walk into walls, knock into vases. It's one of my faults I will admit to.  
  
Where is it? I asked, out of breath, as I skidded into the kitchen in my socks.  
  
My mother pointed up to the ceiling where the owl was playing an odd game of chase with the ceiling fan. Strange.  
  
I tried to coax the owl down, but it wouldn't fly down towards me. I didn't want to turn off the fan because the owl could get caught in it. I was in the middle of doing my prize-winning owl impersonation, when I remembered I stashed a bag of owl treats under the kitchen sink for my owl, Aspen.  
  
Finally the owl was gone and my mum went back to reading the paper and sipping her coffee.  
  
She was gorgeous, my mother, but unfortunately age was beginning to take its toll in her pretty face, I knew it was. I had ventured to her bathroom to steal her black eyeliner and I found at least ten wrinkle and night creams. I felt bad for her. She didn't have any gray in the mahogany hair that sat in a bun on top of her head, but her hair was highlighted and dyed. I'm sure that if she didn't get her hair done every two months, there would be a few strands of a silver gray. Her eyes were once a sparkling blue, but now they didn't shimmer as much, only when she was truly happy did they glow.  
  
I was given my mothers cheekbones and my father's red hair. It's a mystery to my family where I got my eyes since no one in my family has red eyes. But oh well, enough thinking. I had a letter to open.  
  
I could tell the letter wasn't from Tracey. The letter was written in the emerald ink from Hogwarts school. It was weird, this year the letter was so heavy. Probably because of all of the preparation before we leave, and there were probably a lot of books to get.   
I ripped open the envelope and a glittering badge slipped out and onto the tabletop. I cursed under my breath. I knew what the badge was and I didn't want it. Was there any way I could give it back to Dumbledore? My parents would be pleased, Tracey would tease me and Petunia would still remain from talking to me.   
  
I weighed my options. I could tell my parents or not. If I didn't tell and they found out some other way, they would be pissed. If I told them now, the would be all giddy and happy. They would overreact about something that wasn't that big of a deal. I decided to tell my mom anyway, because I would rather have her be happy than mad.  
  
  
  
She responded, still reading the paper.   
  
You know how I'm going into seventh year?  
  
  
  
Okay mom, thanks for listening. Well, I've told you about this before, but when you're in seventh year there is a head boy and a head girl.  
  
Right. You've told me this already. And she speaks!  
  
We'll I've been picked. I shut my eyes tight, bracing myself from the explosion that was about to erupt.   
  
Silence.  
  
I peeked one eye open, and looked at her. I questioned.  
  
Sorry, Lils. I don't understand. She looked at me from the kitchen table. They picked you for head girl?  
  
I dimly waved the badge at her.  
  
She burst out.  
  
Oh no.  
  
I'm so proud of you! Wow.. Head Girl! It must be such an HONOR! She cried out. She hugged me for what seemed like forever and then did a dance around the kitchen. You know what this calls for? She asked me, grinning from ear to ear.   
  
I slightly dreaded her answer. She sometimes had odd yet wicked ideas, like me.   
  
Shopping! For school clothes!  
  
Mum. I have to wear robes at school, you know that.  
  
Yes, but what do you wear under them? She questioned. I hope you aren't in the nude under those robes.  
  
Mum! No! Of course I wear clothes under. But I really don't need any right now.  
  
Right now, of course you don't need them. But your school starts in about one week and a half, and you will be wanting clothes then. Lils, please. Let's go shopping. You know what? I'll let you drive there. She smiled, knowing the had sucked me into her trap.  
  
I had taken my Driver's Ed. class last summer (and passed thankyouverymuch.) but my mum never let me drive anywhere because I was always at Hogwarts and claimed I never got enough practice. So by offering me the car, I couldn't resist.   
  
Go up to your room, shower, eat get ready to go, My mum was a strict woman when she came to it. We leave in forty-five minutes.  
  
I turned around, and began to slowly walk up the stairs figuring I would save the rest of the letter for when I got back. Besides, the letter only contained the shitload of books I would have to buy, and the bullshit rules for being Head Girl. I wasn't in the mood to get into those.  
  
Then I heard my mum say: I'll tell Petunia to get ready.  
  
I froze.  
  
Petunia's coming? I asked.  
  
Of course she is. She'll be pleased to hear the news.  
  
No she won't. She doesn't like me. Mum. Please. No.  
  
Honey, you were eleven when she was mad! That's over now.  
  
Fine mum. I sighed, But I would rather she didn't come.  
  
-----------------  
  
Congrats, Lils. Petunia said as she clambered into the backseat.  
  
CALL THE PRESS! Did Petunia just speak to me? Did she just say something nice to me? Me, little Lily?  
  
You fucking freak. She whispered.  
  
Oh. Never mind then.  
  
Why didn't I just curse her? Cast a nasty spell? Turn her into a frog? First, I would get a letter from my school and also my parents would be pissed.  
  
Second, I kind of pitied her. Before I got my letter from Hogwarts, we were best friends. And since I was her older sister, she looked up to me. So suddenly, when I left for Hogwarts, she didn't understand why I got to go without her. When she turned eleven in August, she was praying and hoping for her letter so she could come with me. It never came. And from that day on, she uses my magic against me.   
  
I glared at Petunia, and got into the driver's seat. Well, hah. At least I get to fucking drive.


	3. Chapter Three

**A/N**: I'm sooo sorry. This has taken months to update. I know, I'm horrible. First of all, my computer got this horrible virius, so I had to buy a new computer, and I've been so horribly wrapped up in school work, it's just been hell. But I'm back! With chapter three of Ashtray. Whoo! So what why are you reading this? Let's get on with the story!  
  
**Disclaimer**: I am not J.K. Rowling and I do not know any of these people, yadda yadda. This is a piece of ficiton, so yeah, step off.  
  
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Three days until Tracey comes home. Three days! I've come to find how much I miss her. Petunia is a bitch as usual, and staying home really doesn't help anything. She always has that fat bloke, Vernon Dursley over. I have no idea what she sees in him. He eats all the food in our house, and she just loves preparing the food for him, and cleaning the table when he's done eating. I've watched them. It's sick.  
  
I swear, they're going to get married or something. He licks his lips when she wipes down the table from all the crumbs he's left behind. Makes me want to hurl.  
  
When I tell her that I hate Vernon, and how he's a pig, she scoffs at me and says, Lily, look around. You don't have a boyfriend, do you?  
  
Fuck you, Petunia.   
  
Yeah, so what? I don't have a boyfriend. I've never needed one. It's not like the guys don't like me, because they do. I know it. But I've always been so busy, with school or friends, occasional hook-ups here and there suit me just fine.   
  
And I'm not a slut, if that's what you're thinking. So get that thought out of your head.  
Can you hate a girl who simply just likes to strut her stuff?  
  
I've gotten plenty of proposals for boyfriends, but I've always said no. It's so much more fun, being single, and being able to flirt with the other guys. Tracey was with Remus Lupin for a while, but they broke it off. It was a mutual thing. Remus is a good looking guy, but he's often ill and Tracey felt tied down. Remus agreed, he didn't want her to feel obligated to always look after him. So it was over, and they are still really good friends. They still love each other, you can tell. I'll make them get married.  
  
Remus is a popular guy. So are his friends. James and Sirius. And kind of Peter, though not that many people like him. He's kind of the loner out of all of them. Oh well.  
  
Sirius is my best guy friend. I love him. Unfortunatly, his cousins are Narcissa and Bellatrix, but he's _nothing_ like them. I met him in our first year, during flying lessons. He and his friend James were trying to light Frank Longbottom's broom on fire, but they couldn't get the spell correctly. So I did it for them, and later that day, in detention, the three of us bonded.   
  
I never got to know James as well as I did Sirius. James seemed too smart, too intellectual for the conversations Sirius and I would hold and laugh over. He talked sometimes with us, but I think he always felt uncomfortable when I was around, like I was stealing Sirius away from him.  
  
Don't get me wrong, James is really cool. He has kick ass jokes, and he plays tricks on people, and he's a wicked dancer. He's a great friend, and he always has these awesome things to talk about, when it's just me and him.   
  
Remus, Sirius and James are my good friends. But boyfriend material? Ehh.. no thanks. I don't even think I would kiss them, because it might ruin something between us.   
  
Petunia and Vernon might be a match. For life, that is. He likes making a mess, she likes cleaning it up. She's skinny, and I could snap her in half, and he looks like a tank. They say opposites attract.   
  
So today, I come downstairs to find Vernon over, eating some coffee cake. It's gross watching him eat. Petunia was standing near the coffee cake.  
  
Can you cut me a slice please, Petunia? Being polite with her was always a good idea.   
  
No. I made it for Vernon.   
  
Petunia, an entire coffee cake? He's going to have it all?   
  
Vernon looked up. He nodded, his greasy chins wobbling. Sick.  
  
See, Lily? Her eyes smiling, glad that she beat me at something.  
  
Nevermind. I'm going out. Tell Mom I'll be back later.  
  
she said, while handing Vernon another napkin.   
  
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Do you have any coffee cake? I asked the waitress.  
  
I had driven to this diner nearby, craving a fucking slice of coffee cake. That's all I wanted. Goddamn, coffee cake. And if they didn't have any here, I was leaving.  
  
Yes, we do.   
  
Good. I'll have a piece of that, and some orange juice please.  
She nodded, and said it would be right out.  
  
I scanned around, seeing if I knew anyone. Sometimes people came in, a bunch of us who went to Hogwarts all lived pretty close to each other, so I saw a lot of them around.  
  
And yes, I saw James. He had walked in with his little sister, Audrey, and she was tugging on his shirt, leading him to the gumball machine, which was near my booth.   
  
He saw me and smiled.  
  
James and look! Audrey! Audrey was adorable, and James loved her so much. He took her out to eat or to the zoo whenever he was home from school. I had met Audrey various times when I was at his house over winter or summer break. She had taken a liking to me.  
  
Audrey climbed into the booth where I was sitting, and hugged me. Hey you! I exclaimed, and tapped her on the head.   
  
Lily, we're hungry. She told me. James motioned to the seat across from me, and I nodded. I was glad to have some company for breakfast.   
  
James slid into the booth, and Audrey began braiding my hair.  
  
How has your summer been so far? James asked, looking at me.  
  
It's been hell. Petunia is a.. I wanted to use the word bitch, but I had to censor myself around Audrey.  
  
..a mean person? James hinted.  
  
Yes. That's it. A mean, mean girl.  
He shook his head in reply, his shaggy hair falling over his eyes.   
Oh, that hair was hot. Sirius kind of had hair like that too, but James just looked better with it.  
  
Well what did she do? He questioned.  
  
She had some friends over the other day, and they went through my entire room. I just don't know what inspires someone do to that.  
  
Jealousy, maybe?  
  
I guess. I mean, the whole witch thing. But another thing is, I would have hoped that she would be intimidated by me, because I'm the older sibling. But that doesn't upset her balance at all.  
  
Yeah, well, school starts in about a week and a half. You'll pull through.  
  
I gave James a weak smile. Thanks. But I've been made Head Girl. Head Girl? Me? Yeah, for some reason, this year isn't looking too good.  
  
James grinned and then started laughing.   
  
Do you think it's funny, that I can't do it James? Audrey tugged on my hair. Because James, I think I'll be able to do it.  
He shook his head.  
  
Okay, then what is it?  
  
He grinned again, I'm Head Boy.   
  
My only response was to kick James in the shins under the table. So I did.  
  
OW! LILY! He was smiling though.  
  
James, why you? I asked.  
  
He gave me a look which meant, Lily, why _you?_  
  
Ah. The bastard. Yeah, so we weren't going to get any work done this year. At least it would be a party. One big party.  
  
What does Sirius think about you being Head Boy? I asked.  
  
Screw him. He laughed at me, James replied.  
  
Oh man, James. Us two, together. Planning things. What things are we supposed to do anyways?   
  
No clue. I didn't read the letter they sent us. I nodded, signaling that I hadn't read it either.  
  
All I know that we have the latest cerfew of all the students. He wiggled his eyebrows.   
  
You never have to worry about being late for cerfew with that cloak of yours!  
  
He laughed and then reminded me that I had borrowed it from him once.  
  
Yeah, well, that's because I had to .. uh ..  
  
Visit Jack Davies in his common room?   
I gaped at him. How did you know about that?   
  
Everyone knows about it. It's Hogwarts. And look, there's the waitress. We can order.   
  
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With my coffee cake craving satisfied, and James and Audrey's stomachs full, we paid the bill and walked outside of the diner.   
  
I wanted a cigarette, but I wasn't sure if Audrey knew that James and I smoked, so I decided to be a good girl and wait.   
  
Well, we better get going, Sirius is coming over soon, he says he can't stand being near his family. James picked up Audrey and held kissed her cheek. You ready?  
  
Audrey nodded, then James looked at me. I'm having a few people over tonight Lily, you're welcome to stop by if you want to.   
  
I grinned, happy for the invitation. I just might stop by, James. Thanks. Say hi' to Sirius for me.  
  
Will do.  
  
I got into my car, and began driving home.   
  
  
**A/N: **This chapter sucked too, the next one should be a bit more fun. Lily will go to the little party and what not. Yeah, so I'm really not too happy with this story at the moment, but it will get better when she's at school. Bah. I'm **still** looking for a beta reader. So if anyone is interested, or if you have any comments or suggestions or whatever, feel free to send me an e-mail: butterflykisez12@netscape.net Thanks!


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